Updated: Aug 27
I am a recovering people pleaser. It is not life threatening no but it is life limiting!
People who are not people pleasers will find it difficult to understand how someone can just disregard their own needs and wants to focus on what is best for everyone else in the room. The people pleaser puts themselves last.
It becomes instinctive for the people pleaser to silence their own inner voice to focus on the voices of those around them. They lose themselves to others. It starts often from a very young age. They listen, observe and learn how to make others happy at the expense of their own happiness. It becomes more important that others around them are happy rather than they themselves are happy. At some level they think if others are happy they'll be happy but it rarely works out that way because they are having to make huge sacrifices to go without things they want and need.
It felt as a child as though I was repeatedly told how selfish I was and I saw how upset the person was that told me this time and time again. It made me feel like such a bad human. It made me not want to do anything for myself that made me happy because I connected that with being selfish and being selfish made those I cared about feel bad. It was like the happier I was the sadder I made others. I realise that it not the truth but it is a story I believed for a very long time.
In reality, time and time again, the people pleaser just sets themselves up for disappointment. They cannot maintain the character they play to satisfy others needs and wants. They end up making those they try to please feel like something is missing and of course it is. The people pleaser is not showing their true self.
No matter how hard a people pleaser tries they cannot maintain the character they are trying to portray for the benefit of another. When trying to silence true self it roars defiantly I am here and I want to be heard and seen too! Then the upset happens as everyone in the room is confused as to why the people pleaser is upset.
People will never feel like the people pleaser is being authentic because of course they are not. The people pleaser has hidden their true character away from everyone in the room. The people pleaser often hides away from themselves. Often they are not even aware that they do. Sometimes it stays that way for a lifetime.
If you are a people pleaser it is not too late to find your way back home to you. Now is a great time to start. Baby steps, start small. Perhaps it is just something as simple as taking a bit of extra time to really connect with what you really want for your next meal and making sure that you get it!
Your happiness starts with finding out what is right for YOU!
Much love, Mel